So THAT'S what that's called!

I'm a communication coach!

I didn't know for the longest time what to call myself. I tried "speaking coach" or "speaking and writing coach" and it just felt cumbersome, but at the same time what I am meant to do. So that was awkward. I'd finally found this thing that resonates with me so deeply, but I didn't really know what to call it.

It's called Communication Coaching (I found out). And I know what you're probably thinking: how good a communication coach could I be if I didn't see what was obvious.

Pretty damn good, it turns out, but that's for you to decide. Here's my pitch:

I didn't see what was obvious because it was too close to me. I missed it because communication is something I do without thinking because I've been honing this skill-set my whole life, and professionally for two decades. I don't think of myself from that distance so I missed something that's obvious from a different perspective.

What I bring to you is a different perspective from your own story so you can better hear what it is that you're trying to say. I missed "communication coach" because I lacked perspective. You are, without a doubt, missing something key to your own story because you lack the perspective necessary to articulate it. Let me use intellectual humility, empathy, and my years of experience to help you name and tell your story!

Whaddya think?

To find out more you can clickedy-click on the shiny new link up above!

How to be a Billy Goat: Introduction

Last night I got to share some ideas about being a billy goat in an internet filled with trolls. It was at the first ever VanTalks (video will be available soon).

I shared (one of) the origins of the metaphor of a troll as a bully on the internet: the Norwegian fairy tale "The Three Billy Goats Gruff" in which a troll lives under a bridge and keeps the goats from grazing in a lush pasture.

Right now it seems like the internet is filled with trolls, like there's no good comments section, like there isn't a place to have good conversations online. The way we can start to change that is by being the opposite of trolls. We need to be billy goats.

Trolls

Trolls are rude, abrasive, and abusive.

Trolls are confident in what they know and cannot, will not be swayed from their certainty.

Trolls are never, ever, ever wrong.

It's nearly impossible to have a conversation with a troll and, what's worse, trolls often succeed in devolving the conversations around them. There might be good people trying to have a decent conversation, but in walks a troll and things fall apart. People start taking sides. It stops being a conversation and starts being a shouting match.

Bad News

I hate to say it. I don't want to be a downer. But the truth is we won't ever be rid of trolls. A medium like the internet that allows anyone anywhere anytime to share their thoughts will the world will, inevitably allow thoughts that are abusive, hurtful, and intransigent.

Fighting the trolls, more often than not, won't do much of anything to help. Trolls love the conflict and won't be swayed by even the best of arguments.

Trolls are here to stay. But they don't have to dominate the conversations. The reality is that trolls are the exception that is writing the rules. They are the tail that's wagging the dog. They are the minority influencing the majority.

Billy Goats

We can offer an alternative. We can offer a different way. We can be the billy goats to the trolls of the internet. 

Billy goats treat everyone with dignity and respect (even trolls). 

Billy goats seek to understand before they seek to be understood. 

Billy goats willingly and graciously admit when they are wrong. 

If you want to start being a billy goat there's something you need to know. This isn't a short term engagement. This isn't something you can sign up for and knock out in a week. This will take time and commitment. It will take consistency and it will mean you are attacked by trolls. 

But it also means that you are stepping between the vulnerable and the trolls, that you are showing people a different way to interact online, that you are a part of a minority that is influencing the majority for good. 

C'mon, be a billy goat. 

Next up (next week) what this looks like in real life and some practical next-steps. 

Socrates and the Internet

Socrates said “[T]hey will be hearers of many things and will have learned nothing; they will appear to be omniscient and will generally know nothing; they will be tiresome company, having the show of wisdom without the reality.”

He could have been talking about the internet. He might as well have said: "Don't read the comments section." But he was talking about a different communication technology: writing. 

Socrates didn't like writing; he thought it undermined the thoughts of people and made them vapid. The irony is, we only know that Socrates said this because his student, Plato, wrote it down. 

Communication and the Brain

The way we communicate affects how we think, which affects how we process ideas, which affects everything about us as human beings. Socrates was right, moving from oral to written communication fundamentally changed humanity. Ideas were no longer bound by space and time, the great thinkers were able to build upon each other's work, and whole fields of study like philosophy, religion, history, mathematics, and science came into being. But there was a cost. Thought became a specialized field. Ideas became the property of the wealthy and powerful. The conversation of humanity was concentrated into the hands of a very few, well educated people. 

The rise of the printing press in Europe (it had been around in China for centuries before) paired movable type with an alphabet-based language and drastically decreased the cost of written communication. Within just a few years of Gutenberg's first printing Europe began to transform at a fundamental, cultural level. The Renaissance, the Enlightenment, and the Protestant Reformation were all spurred onward by the rapid spread of ideas, not among the wealthy and powerful, but among the common people. Culture changed, the people were no longer willing to be ruled from ivory towers and castle walls, the masses revolted based on the power of ideas. On the far shores of a distant continent a few ragged colonies took up those ideas and rebelled against the most powerful nation on the planet.

The Internet is Kind of a Big Deal

There have only been a few changes in the way human being communicate. The first was from oral to written, then from script to printing, and now we're in the midst of third great change from printing to electronic communication. For ease I'll use the internet as a catch-all term to refer to all of our instantaneous, electronic communication (i.e. texting, emailing, blogging, messaging, etc.). 

With each shift in communication the speed of idea transmission and the percent of the population involved have increased. Oral society was slow and ideas could only be shared as far as a voice could be heard. Writing sped things up and allowed more people to receive the ideas (though for much of its history written communication was still, primarily, transmitted to people orally). Printing increased the speed and the participants even further. Now with the internet we have almost half of the population on the planet able to communicate with each other instantaneously. 

That has immense ramifications for how our brains work, how we process ideas, and what our culture looks like. And we're only just starting to see those effects really playing out in the world. 

Socrates was Right

There is always a cost to go with the benefit of changing the way we communicate. The internet is reshaping our brains, for good and for ill. We are losing something with the rapidity of the communication and the number of voices that are clamoring for a place in the conversation. But we are gaining something as well. 

Socrates was right that there's a cost, but he was wrong in not wanting to pay the cost of changing the technology we use to communicate. We should weigh the cost. We should know the cost. We should consciously and actively work to mitigate the cost. But we cannot avoid the cost of communication on the internet, nor should we. 

Next up: what you can do to help. 

VanTalks, Civil Discourse, and Billy Goats

This Thursday I'll be giving a talk at the first ever VanTalks. It's styled after TED talks but focused on the thought leaders, innovators, and creators in the local community.

My topic is on civil discourse online. Something that seems like an oxymoron. You're not supposed to read the comments section, you're not supposed to talk about politics or religion, and you're certainly not supposed to expect anyone to change their mind due to a conversation online.

I'm not okay with that. I used to be. I used to be checked out, to ignore the comments, and to avoid arguments. I thought that was the best path, the path that offended the fewest people.

If you've followed me online for very long you know I don't feel that way now. For the past five or six years I have actively engaged in conversations online about the most difficult topics. No conversation has been off limits and, with very few exceptions, the conversations and conversationalists have been thoughtful, respectful, and civil.

On Thursday evening (6:30pm at the Kiggins Theater in downtown Vancouver) I'll share what changed, what I've learned, and why I think civil discourse online is not only possible, but necessary.

And I'll tell you why you should be a billy goat.

Buy tickets (they're only $10) and tell your friends (or enemies, they need to hear this too).

It turns out you can buy happiness

The old adage: "Money can't buy happiness" isn't necessarily true. TED-talker Michael Norton explains how money, when spent correctly, can actually increase your happiness.

May I humbly suggest that you spend your money to help me publish my 3rd book and first novel? Click here, click the green button and pledge anything you can. Pledges of at least $5 get a copy of the novel as soon as it's done.